Public Service Announcement

Attention all MEN! Are you feeling unfullfilled in your love life? Are you not getting the attention you require from your mate? Has your significant other suddenly stopped wiping your ass?


If you suffer from any of the above, chances are very good that you are afflicted with improper-gifting-itis. While many symptoms of this affliction can be confused with i-never-pull-my-weight-acosis, or it's sister affliction, forgot-it-was-our-anniversary-inosis, if not caught early, it can quickly death spiral into feelings of depression, lonliness, and sex deprivation.


Be not afraid! There are many cures to improper-gifting-itis. Fortunately, with the invention of Hallmark, V-chocolates, and BMW, your prognosis can be improved dramatically. It is important, however, to strictly adhere to the following guidelines:


1. Do not ever ask "What is the limit?" for any gift exchange. The limit is whatever you feel like spending. This is an opportunity for you to show her how much you care. Two rules of thumb, either spend A LOT of money, Tiffany works for example, or BE CREATIVE. Show her you listen to her, you know what she likes, and you want to make her happy. Speakers for her bedroom to "set a mood" may NOT be a good choice. Or a stripper pole.


2. Start listening to her hints. If there is a holiday coming up, or birthday, it is GUARANTEED that she is dropping hints like Hansel and Gretel dropped their little trail of crumbs. Make sure you are listening for them, and remembering them. Just like those little pieces of bread, they will disappear quickly and you will find yourself lost. And believe me, the witch that eats little children ain't nothin compared to the wrath of your woman.


3. Do not EVER give her a "was gonna". Not only will you NOT get the praise and admiration you were expecting with your almost thoughtfulness, she will never, ever, ever forget it. An example of this would be "I was gonna get you a new dresser for your Birthday." The only part of this sentence that she will hear is "BUT. I. DIDN'T." Please, please avoid this pitfall.


4. When a card is appropriate, do NOT give her a xerox of your member instead. While to you it may be the gift that keeps on giving, to her it is one of the photos she will use on the billboard sign with a "missing child alert". That pic, and one, of course, of your smiling face.


5. Valentines Day is NOT a mutual Holiday. As unfair as this may seem, it is 95% YOUR responsibility. This is actually a sneaky competition. This is the day where the amount of your love is going to be directly compared to the amount of love other men have for her girlfriends and work associates. There is a reason there are so many cliche' Valentine gifts out there. Just make sure yours is bigger, better, and definitely on time.


While on paper these rules seem pretty cut and dry, as a man you understand that in real life it may be a little more on the gray side. When in doubt, seek the advice of a counselor who is in the trenches: another woman.


Testimonials:


"This year was the first year with my new girl, and I felt the pressure of Valentine's Day bearing down on me. Fortunately, with the help of my gifting advisor, I was able to get a thoughtful gift, well within my budget, and escaped what could have been disaster. Thanks, Chits and Giggles!"


"I have started really listening for the cues my wife is leaving for me, and when in doubt I have stuck to the basics, just making sure mine was bigger. What a relief! My wife is back to doing my laundry AND cleaning the base of the toilet again. Werked for me!"

While results vary for individuals, studies have shown* a striking relationship between the amount of effort and thought put into personal treatment, in contrast to direct neglect . As with most ailments, prevention of improper-gifting-itis is the most manageable way and painless way, and will help avoid any reccuring outbreaks.

In the face of adversity, just know you are not alone. Seeking help early may substantially reduce long term affects. Let us help you help yourself.

*Studies include facebook, telephone conversations and jaegerbombs. Margin of error +/- 2000% based on poll.